it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
