In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
