Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
