Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
