Soap is not a condiment
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize