I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
