just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
