He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
