Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
