So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
