somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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