i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
