Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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