She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
