hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
