Apparently you make a good broom.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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