I wish they made helmets for livers.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You ruined the universe
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
