He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
