i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
