I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
