I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
