Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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