there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
