That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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