found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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