I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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