Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
