totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
