im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
