Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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