I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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