those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this beer tastes like vomit already
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
