I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
how does that bad decision feel?
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