Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
