Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
