Duck Duck Cougar?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
