this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
