My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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