how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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