She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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