I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
