I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
