When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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