His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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