They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
