So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
