you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
