If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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