This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Boobs are out for the taking
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
