I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
