Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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