I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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