that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Two words: nipple clamps
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