tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
